


i (don't not) love you

by coykoi



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Healing, Spider-Man - Freeform, Spideychelle, because I love love, break ups, hsmtmts au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-04-24 18:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22228177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coykoi/pseuds/coykoi
Summary: peter parker quickly learns how complicated love can really be
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 13
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> well here we areee

“Come on, you know I’m right. What do I have to do to prove that the Star Wars movies are the _best_ movies out there?” Peter pauses and then smiles up at Michelle, his head comfortably resting in her lap. “Should we watch the whole series again?”

His girlfriend snorts. “No way. I’m not going through that type of torture a second time. It’s bad enough that you and Leeds rave about the movies at lunch on a daily basis.”

“Oh, my god, I can’t believe you’re such a hater.”

“You can’t believe that I have better movie taste than that cinematic space trash? Do you even know me, Parker?” She smirks, tilting her face down. Peter laughs and meets her halfway, stretching up for a kiss. She tastes like caramel and chocolate from sharing a box of Milk Duds with him earlier. He loves it.

He’s pretty sure he loves _her_ in general.

It’s been eating at his mind for days. Peter wants to tell her, but there’s never a right time or place.

Maybe it’s now.

Maybe it’s right now when she’s sitting on his bed, eyes closed, head bobbing up and down to the sound of music in the background.

It _feels_ like the right time and place.

“Hey, MJ. Can...can I tell you something?”

“No.” Her eyes are still closed, but then she opens them and cracks a smile. “Kidding. The floor is yours.”

“Okay. Okay, um…” Peter sits up, wiping his hands on his jeans. They feel sweaty and gross, probably from the nervousness that's completely radiating from him. “Okay.” _Just say it._ “MJ...I love you.”

She doesn’t react. Not for a good half-minute. It only serves to make his heart beat faster.

“You love me?” Her voice is unsteady, her eyes uncertain.

“Yeah.”

“Already?”

True, it’s only been three months since they started dating, but Peter’s known Michelle since the first grade. They’ve been friends since middle school. This isn’t all that out of the blue, but she looks dumbstruck.

“Yeah…”

“Oh.”

Not the reaction he was hoping for.

Michelle clears her throat and looks at him, gaze flitting across his face. He swallows thickly, not sure what’s supposed to happen now.

“MJ?”

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just...a little overwhelmed.” Her laugh is shaky and almost forced. 

“It’s a lot.” He gets it, but she doesn’t seem comfortable with any of this. The whole thing was a bad idea, but it’s out there, and he can’t take it back. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Parker, I’m just…” Michelle pinches the bridge of her nose, something she does when she’s frustrated.

“You’re not there yet?”

“I don’t know.”

Peter nods, biting the inside of his cheek. “Maybe...maybe we should take a pause or something...just so you can sort through how you feel? I don’t want you to be pressured right now or—or at all, really.”

Michelle frowns. “Like a break?”

“Yeah...” 

She looks down at the comforter, picking at one of the loose threads. “Right. Okay. I, um, I should probably go, then. I—I’ll see you.” She picks up her bag and walks out of his bedroom, leaving Peter with a lot of emotions, none of them good.

_a month later_

“Alright, hon, you have everything?” His aunt gives him a pointed look, and Peter laughs a little, nodding. It’s the first day back to school, and she’s grilling him to make sure he’s ready. He gets it, considering last year, May had to run his lunch money over to him during the middle of her workday.

“Yeah, I’m prepared this time.”

“Do you have your...you know.” She imitates his web-shooters and makes scarily accurate sound effects. He nods and pats the big pocket of his backpack. It’s where he keeps his Spider-Man suit in case of emergencies.

“Told you, May. I’m ready.”

“Okay, okay. You should probably go, then. I’m sure Ned’s waiting for you outside. Oh, in fact…” She peers out the window to find him standing there. He looks up and waves cheerily. “Yep.”

Peter gives his aunt a quick kiss on the cheek and bids her goodbye before running out of his apartment. Ned is looking at his phone by the time he gets down there.

“Hey. Are you excited for—”

“Dude.” Ned gives Peter an unimpressed glance and gestures for him to start walking. “I think we need to talk about something.”

Peter chuckles a little, raising an eyebrow. “Okay?”

“Wait, actually, I have two things I need to talk to you about. _Two._ First off, when was the last time you’ve spoken to MJ?”

“Uhm...I’m not exactly sure? It wasn’t that long ago, I don’t think. And—and we text sometimes. I’m just trying to give her space, you know? But we’re good. I mean, I’m good—I don’t...actually know if _she’s_ good.” Peter frowns and stops his best friend from walking further. “How is she? I know you’ve talked, Ned—”

“Good grief, Peter,” Ned groans and looks up at the sky. “Yeah, we’re speaking, and yeah, she’s alright...as of yesterday.”

“What do you mean _as of yesterday_? Did something happen?”

“I don’t know, man, _did_ something happen?” He pulls his phone back out and shows it to Peter, who has to blink a couple of times in order to read the news article’s headline.

“Spider-Man and his frisky feline companion, the Black Cat...sparks are flying—_what?_” Peter snatches Ned’s phone from his hand and squints at the screen. “Are you kidding me?”

“What is that, Peter? Like, I mean, I know a kiss when I see one, but—_what_ is that?”

“That—that’s not a kiss, Ned. It’s a hug, just a hug. You know that Felicia and I kind of work together, and last night, we caught this one ass of a criminal—he was difficult, okay? So...I hugged her. That’s it. Somehow, the press got a picture that makes it look like—but we’re not.”

“Okay...but no one else knows that.” Ned gives him a significant look, only spiking Peter’s anxiety.

_Michelle_ doesn’t know that.

“Oh, my god. Shit.”

“MJ…”

“No. No, I’m going to fix it. I’ll explain everything, and she’ll understand.”

Yeah, maybe he’s in a little bit of denial, but it’s _Michelle_. 

Michelle, who Peter has been friends with longer than anyone else. 

Michelle, who he has always gone to for all of his problems. 

Michelle, who he cannot lose over something so stupid.

“I mean, you guys _are_ on pause, so I guess it really shouldn’t be a big deal—”

“We’re only on pause because I wanted to give MJ space to figure out her feelings—and _this_ isn’t going to help. Oh, god, I…” He blows out a breath, squeezing his eyes shut until they sting.

“Dude, you guys will work it out. Just tell her the truth,” Ned says reassuringly, patting Peter on the back.

They walk the rest of the way to Midtown, and Peter already finds himself searching for Michelle. It’s not that hard to find her, considering she’s standing at her locker, head down. There’s a cup of tea in her hand.

“MJ!”

Michelle looks up in surprise but then her expression falls into one of neutrality. “Hey, Parker.”

She doesn’t seem mad, so maybe there’s a sliver of hope.

“Hi. I’m—I’m glad you’re here. I was hoping that we could talk about something?” His hand instinctively reaches for her waist, but she backs up a bit to throw her tea in the garbage can. 

_Scratch that hope._

“Actually…me, too.”

“Oh? Okay…”

Michelle takes a deep breath, averting her gaze. “Sorry, I just...this is kind of hard. I...I've also never done it before, so I’m—I’m going to cut to the chase. You know we’ll always be friends, Peter...”

_What?_

“No,” he blurts out, eyes wide. Her piercing expression cuts him, lips pressed together thinly.

“No?”

Peter’s panicking, he knows that. “I just...what are you doing?”

“Well, if you would’ve let me finish…” She raises an eyebrow at him, and he snaps his mouth closed. “I don’t think this is working. This break, this...us.”

“Why?” His voice comes out weak and his eyes sting. He knows why. He just can’t bring himself to think about anything but her.

“Because, Peter, that night when you told me you loved me, and I—I couldn’t say it back, you said we should take a break and haven’t talked to me since. Did you really think that’s what I needed? No.” Her voice cracks. “No. I needed time, and I needed you to not go off galavanting with other girls. What—what am I supposed to do with that?”

“Em, please, I can explain everything, okay?” Peter’s hands are shaking as he reaches for hers. 

Michelle blinks and a tear trails down one cheek. “It was a break, Peter. You don’t have to explain anything.”

“MJ—”

The bell rings and cuts him off. She pulls away slowly, eyes glistening. Her lips curve into a wry smile. “But it’s a break-up now.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Shit, dude. I—I don’t know what to say because if I tell you how much that sucks, you’ll probably start crying again,” Ned says with a frown as they walk down the hall to lunch.

“I probably will.” Peter rubs his eyes absently. Just as they make it to the doors of the cafeteria, he veers off to the left in favor for the library. Ned follows him, eyebrows furrowed.

“What are you doing?”

“Not going in there. I don’t think I’d be able to look at MJ without my sandwich drowning, Ned. It’s...bad.”

“Gee, tell me about it. But, uh...the library probably wasn’t the best place to go.” He gestures to a table in the far corner where—speak of the devil—Michelle is sitting with her lunch. “You know this is where she comes when she doesn’t want to be bothered.”

Peter groans and turns around, closing his eyes. “Where are the tissues?”

“Seriously?”

“I warned you!”

“I know, I know. Here.” Ned places one in his hand. “Look, we can't avoid her forever.”

“It hasn’t even been a full _day_ yet.”

“Did you even try explaining to her what actually happened? Because why would she break up with you if she knew the truth?”

“Ned, it wasn’t just that,” Peter hisses under his breath, casting Michelle a glance out of the corner of his eye. She’s reading, no surprise there, but then her shoulders tense. He quickly looks away. “I made a mistake. It hurt both of us, and I can’t…I have to respect what she wants.”

“You’re not even going to try fighting for her? Come on, dude, you’re—” Ned lowers his voice. “You’re fucking _Spider-Man_. Prove that you’ll do just as much for her as you would for the city.”

“You know I’d do anything for her.”

Ned rolls his eyes. “I literally just said prove it.” He looks back towards Michelle, who’s now listening to what Betty Brant is telling her. “Oh, my god. Betty—it’s Betty—she’s talking to Betty—”

“Yeah, I got that, Ned.”

“Okay, now we have to go over.” Ned pushes Peter in front of him as they walk over, though one of them is definitely dragging their feet.

He really isn’t ready to face Michelle, not yet. He’s hurting, she’s hurting, and maybe space is what they truly need this time.

But of course, Ned isn’t having any of it.

Peter swallows thickly as his friend practically shoves him into her table. “Um—hi. Hey.”

“Sup,” Michelle replies, biting the inside of her cheek. She’s not looking at him.

But Ned seems to be gushing in the background. “Betty! What a wonderful surprise. I—I was wondering, do you happen to have, uh...the notes? For physics.”

Betty raises an eyebrow, smiling a little. “It’s the first day. There weren’t any notes.”

“Oh. Right. Duh.” He taps his forehead and gives a ‘_what was I thinking_' look.

“But if you need a picture of the syllabus, I have that,” she offers, and Ned’s face lights up.

“Great! Yeah, that’s great. Thanks.”

The two of them go to a different table, leaving Peter and his racing heart with Michelle, who’s gone back to her book. It would be just as awkward to leave as it would be to stay. He feels stuck, trapped with conflicting emotions.

Thankfully, she grants him mercy by nudging her backpack off the other chair with her foot, nodding almost imperceptibly to it.

“Um, thank you,” Peter says, wincing immediately afterward. He takes a seat and starts bouncing his leg up and down, fingers tapping idly. It’s way too hard to sit still, that’s for sure.

“I know this is weird.” Michelle glances up from her book to meet his gaze. “But you’re making it really obvious.”

“S-Sorry? I don’t know how to _not_ make it weird…”

She gives an almost-smile. “You wouldn’t be yourself if you did.”

“Fair point.”

“But, seriously, your leg is bumping the table.”

“Right,” he coughs, trying to still his nervous jitters. He pulls out the sandwich in his lunch bag and attempts to eat without staring too much. If she can do it, he can do it.

Michelle keeps her eyes on the page when she speaks up. “How, uh...how has your first day been going? You know, class-wise and shit.” 

_Great. Small talk._

Something he cannot do.

“I guess they’re okay. I don’t know.”

She nods, pressing her lips together. “Same.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

This isn’t going anywhere.

“MJ?”

“Yeah?” Her voice goes high, and she clears her throat.

“I just…” Peter takes a breath and then shakes his head, smiling small and humorlessly. “I’m really bad at this, you know? We haven’t even been broken up for a full day, and I already hate it.”

“That’s life, Parker.” Michelle pauses, sighing, before her book gets put away. “But I get it. That feeling, I mean. Break-ups are stupidly hard.” Her eyes travel to his. “And best friends are supposed to help each other get through them.”

His vision is getting blurry already, and it sucks. It really fucking sucks.

“Yeah…”

Michelle looks down at her lap, lip quivering. She avoids his face, which is probably best. He’s an ugly crier.

But her hand comes up and rests on the table, palm up. He shouldn't. He really shouldn’t.

But it’s Michelle. 

_His best friend._

Way before she was ever his girlfriend.

So Peter brings his hand over, placing it on top of hers. She squeezes in response, holding on.

And he hates how she’s able to ground him with just one touch.

He thinks about how he could do as Ned said and fight for her, harder than he’s fought for anything else. It would be so easy.

But it might not be what she wants.

Peter doesn’t know.

“Your hand is really sweaty…”

He laughs a little, shaky and wet. “Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s...I don’t care.” Michelle absently rubs her cheek, almost tracing the tear track running down. “So...are you coming to the decathlon meeting after school? First one of the year.”

“Oh, I—I don’t know. I might not be able to join this year. My schedule is pretty busy...with, you know, Spider-Man and everything…”

Michelle blinks once, twice, and then her grip loosens. “Right.” She exhales, shaking her head, and goes to stand. “Guess Flash is no longer an alternate, then.”

“Wait, MJ—”

“Go get those criminals, Parker.”

It barely takes her any time to walk away.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Relationships are hard. Trust me, I understood that the moment your uncle and I started dating,” May tells him soothingly, smoothing his hair back. “But I bet things will work out in the end, yeah? I always thought you guys were strong.”

“I don’t know, May.”

“What don’t you know?”

“If she even wants to be with me? When I told her I loved her, like, a month ago, it didn’t really work out. I thought a break would be a good idea, but it’s all kinds of screwed up now.”

May raises an eyebrow. “Did you ask her what she wants?”

Peter sighs. “No. But she definitely deserves someone better than me. Whatever makes her happy, I’m all for it.”

“I say this with love, but you’re incorrigible, Pete.”

“I know.” He wipes his face with his sleeve before standing up. “I think I’m going to go out. Clear my head for a bit. I’ll be back in time for dinner.”

“Great. While you’re at it, pick something up _for_ dinner?” May gives him a saccharine smile, chuckling a little. They both know that she can’t cook for shit. It nearly ends with a call to the fire department every time she tries. “Preferably Thai. You know we get discounts from that one waiter.”

“Because he has a very obvious crush on you, May.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say…” She pauses, tilting her head in thought. “Actually, that would explain all of the free rice bowls he gives me.”

“Nothing spells out love like rice. So, I’m gonna go—”

“Tell him I said hi. We’re in a committed relationship now.”

Peter laughs quietly and nods at his aunt before bounding upstairs. His suit is still in his backpack, which he quickly pulls on. Karen greets him with a hello, but he doesn’t respond, more focused on opening the window and swinging away from their building.

The crime is rather slow, which is good on a day like Peter’s having, but it means sitting on someone’s fire escape with his phone in hand. 

He’s not stalking Michelle on social media.

He’s not.

Maybe just some minor following up on. She posted something about decathlon, so it’s probably important, anyway—

“Whatcha doing there, Spider?”

Peter nearly drops his phone. He groans, knocking his head back against the wall. Felicia’s standing above him, smirking that vicious smirk of hers like usual. 

“God, you need a bell or something,” he utters, ignoring the way Karen’s jabbing at him and his failure to use his sixth sense. 

It’s for _threats_, give him a break.

Felicia pouts and crouches down. “So you always know when I’m around? That’s no fun.” She snatches his phone from his hand, resulting in Peter shooting up, trying to get it back. “Another girl? Already cheating on me, darling?”

“Huh?”

She turns back to him, a laugh edging her voice. “You’ve read the front page of any newspaper, right? And gossip sites love to butt into all of the major stories going around. I guess we’re really _it_, Spider.”

“God, Felicia, stop.” He takes his phone back and puts it away. “My girlfriend—my real, _real_ girlfriend just broke up with me today, and the press is, like, half the cause.”

“Well...fuck, man.”

“I know."

“You gonna do something about it?”

_If that hasn’t been the question of the day..._


	3. Chapter 3

“I don’t get it. You just told me the other day that you weren’t doing decathlon this year because of Spider-Man. What suddenly changed your mind?”

“I...realized I’m not going to be as busy as I thought I’d be,” Peter tells Ned with a small shrug, flicking through the TV channels. They’re currently sitting in Ned’s living room, a movie night planned out. Of course, neither of them are decisive enough to start anything yet. “If Felicia’s going to stick around like she said she would, that’s less work for me, right?”

“Oh. I see. Felicia was involved in this conversation.” Ned nods sarcastically, like he suddenly understands everything that’s going on in Peter’s head.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know, dude, what did you take it as?”

“You—it sounded like you were judging me!”

“You’re my friend, you _know_ I’m going to judge you and all of your life decisions,” Ned replies with a poke to his shoulder. “But, like, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay…?”

Peter definitely feels like he should worry about it.

The doorbell rings just then. Ned jumps up and rushes to the door, leaving Peter to stare absently at the playing of _How I Met Your Mother_. 

“Oh, my god, you brought—yes! Thank you, thank you so much.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t make it a big deal, Leeds.”

Peter shoots off the couch at the sound of her voice. He didn’t realize that Michelle was going to be there—Ned didn’t _tell_ him.

“I knew you were a secret fangirl for Star Wars—”

“I’m _not_, don’t you ever accuse me of that again. I only have these movies because...you know.” She clears her throat. 

“Okay. Okay, cool. Also, I need to tell you something that probably would’ve affected your idea of coming, so if you’ll just hear me out—”

Without warning, Michelle walks into the living room. Her stoic expression cracks for a second when Peter nervously meets her eyes.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here either,” he offers with a small laugh. It falls flat.

“Because Leeds is a traitor. That’s why.”

_Oh._

Ned steps between them, a hopeful smile on his face. “Come on, guys, I thought we needed this. It’s just like old times, remember? Movie nights and throwing popcorn at each other and making my sister clean it up?”

“Yeah. Yeah, just like old times,” Michelle snorts sardonically. “We’re all friends here.” She sits down on the opposite side of the couch, maybe a little too forcefully.

Peter frowns. “Aren’t we?”

She glances at him, lips pressed together. “I just said we are.”

“You said it in that one tone, so I thought—”

“What tone?” Michelle raises an eyebrow, and Peter thinks the question is most definitely a trap.

“You—you know. That tone you use when you’re fed up with people?”

“Read my lips, Parker. We’re fucking BFFs.” She rolls her eyes and pulls a pillow into her lap.

“Right.” He sighs, leaning his head away from her. Peter would be lying if he said he didn’t know why Michelle was mad at him. She has every right to be.

He’s just wondering when the turning point was from sadness to anger.

“Um, anyway,” Ned says with a nervous chuckle. He takes a seat in between them. “I asked MJ to bring over Star Wars since my sister broke my DVDs the other day…”

Peter snorts, glancing in her direction. “I thought you said Star Wars was _cinematic space trash_? You said it was _torture_ having to listen to me and Ned talk about it.”

Michelle rubs her temple tiredly. “I stand by my opinion. Just because I have the movies doesn’t mean I like them.” 

“Then why not give them to someone who would actually appreciate it? They’re just sitting in your house, collecting dust,” he continues, running his mouth carelessly. “Don’t you think that’s kind of a waste?”

But maybe a little too carelessly.

“A waste?” Her voice cracks.

Peter sees Ned mouthing ‘shut up’ out of the corner of his eye. He doesn’t understand why Michelle’s upset, doesn’t remember.

But now she’s standing up again, reaching for her coat already, and he immediately thinks he’s the worst friend in the universe. It’s one thing to act like a petty child, but it’s another to make someone you care about cry.

Which seems to be happening a lot lately.

“Wait, MJ, where are you going?” Ned asks, eyebrows furrowed. He steps towards her, but she shakes her head.

“I’m not really in the mood for movies, anymore. Sorry, Leeds.” She pulls her hair back and starts heading towards the door.

“Oh, god, wait. MJ.” Peter’s already out of his seat, trying to keep her from leaving. “I didn’t mean…”

Michelle whirls around, her hair nearly hitting him in the face. She doesn’t look angry, just sad, and that makes everything ten times worse. “What, Peter? You didn’t mean to call my dead father’s Star Wars collection a waste? Did you just _forget_ or something?”

Something akin to ice floods through Peter’s veins as her words hit him like an arrow piercing his heart. Her father, her _father_. “Shit. I’m so sorry, Em. It just—it slipped my mind. You know I would never intentionally—”

“I know you wouldn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, swallowing everything else he wants to say in order for all of his sincerity to go into that apology. Michelle nods once.

“You’re fine.” But she still turns around to open the door. “I, uh, I’ll get the movies back from Ned tomorrow. You guys can fangirl over them alone tonight without having to hear my bashing. Get some proper bonding in. I need to clear my head, anyway.”

Ned comes over with a frown. “MJ, come on, we want you here.”

“And I just want some space, okay? I’ll see you nerds tomorrow.” She walks out of the house, wiping any residual tears from her face that Peter can’t see.

“Some days, I really feel like smashing all of your LEGOs, you know?” Ned turns around, shaking his head. “Tonight was supposed to be a reconciliation kind of thing, dude. That was, like, the complete opposite.”

“You don’t have to tell me that I fucked up..._again_. I already know.” Peter goes back to the couch, dropping his head in his hands. “She’s my best friend. I want things to get back to normal, but I can’t...talk to her. Not like before.”

“Peter, I’m going to tell you the harsh truth of reality. Sometimes—well, most of the time, when couples break up, exes don’t remain friends. It’s too awkward. The way you guys ended things...it’s going to take a while to get back to normal.”

“I still want to try. I have to try.”

Ned nods. “You going to join decathlon again, then? For real?”

“For real.”

“Good. I cannot stand the idea of Flash as anything other than an alternate.”

Peter arrives at school later than he would’ve liked—with more bruises than he would’ve liked, too. It’s just, he ran into a guy wearing the weirdest looking rhino costume on his way to school, and they got a little sidetracked. The man kept trying to bash his head into the ground. It wasn’t pleasant.

Spider-Man ends up being the talk of the school for a majority of the morning, probably because people couldn’t resist putting video clips of the fight on the announcements. He doesn’t even know how they got that footage.

“Dude, that was freaking awesome. Like, I’m not even mad that you missed first period because of the fight.” Ned pauses. “Well, I kind of am because you’re my _lab partner_, but…”

“Sorry, I couldn’t really...you know, get around the guy,” Peter says, eating a bit of fruit while trying not to stare too hard at the empty seat in front of him. She still might need some space. It’s fine. Completely fine.

“Yeah, but...okay, I had to work with someone else, though. It sucked, Peter. _Majorly_.” 

“Why?”

“Because the new guy had this super stuck-up air about him, and he was wearing Armani to school...who wears _Armani_ to school?”

Peter furrows his brows in confusion. “What new guy?” 

“His name is Harry Osborn, son of Norman Osborn and apparently the future of Oscorp. You know, _that_ little company…” Ned snorts, shaking his head at the mere thought.

“Oh. Yeah, I mean, I haven’t met him yet, but he sounds…”

“Like a dick?”

“Who are we calling a dick?” Michelle drops her bag on the table, a slight smile on her face. She looks more rested than before, the tired bags under her eyes no longer so prominent. Peter can feel his breath catch, pathetic relief flooding in at the fact that she decided to sit with them.

“New guy. Harry Osborn. You’d probably hate him,” Ned supplies.

“You know I love to prove you wrong, Leeds.” She sits down and takes a book out but doesn’t open it yet. Instead, her gaze travels to Peter. “Saw that you properly kicked a rhinoceros’ ass this morning. Good job.”

He feels a blush creep up his neck at her praise, something that will never stop affecting him. “Thanks, MJ.”

Michelle nods before burying her nose in her book. Peter wants to say more, but he doesn’t feel like pushing a conversation on her would be a wise choice. Instead, he tries to finish his lunch, not so casually sending Ned the occasional _deer-caught-in-the-headlights_ type of look.

“So, MJ,” Ned prompts. “How you doin’?”

“I’m fine.” She doesn’t look up from her page, so his friend presses on.

“Anything new going on? Anything...cool?”

It doesn’t take more than a second for her to see right through him. Her book flops on the table, closing in on itself as she gives a deadpan look.

“What are you doing, Leeds?”

He splutters, trying to reign innocence. “I’m just trying to engage in stimulating conversation. It’s not like anyone else is.”

Michelle rolls her eyes, casting her eyes over to Peter once. She probably thinks he has something to do with it. “Okay. I’ll humor you.” She leans forward conspiratorially, and so does Ned. “What’s up is…”

His eyes widen. “Yeah...?”

“Peter wears a thong under his suit.”

“_What_?”

“_What_?!”

She sits back in her seat, a small smirk playing on her lips. Peter can feel his face heat up as he releases an awkward chuckle. This should be a good thing, even if it’s at his expense. Michelle’s teasing him again like she used to, despite it feeling a little forced.

“Wow, MJ.” Peter runs a hand through his hair, blowing out a breath. “I can’t believe you told Ned my deepest and darkest secret.”

“Sorry, man.” She lifts her arms into a shrug. “You know how it is. Sometimes, words just slip out of my mouth, and I don’t even think about it.” Her expression stalls for a moment, like there’s an unrealized double-entendre there. He catches it, feeling his own gaze falter. 

“Yeah, well, I know it was an accident. I’ll forgive you.”

Michelle nods, sincerely smiling a little—reassuring for his sake, he thinks. “These things happen. We good?”

“Always.”

She goes back to her book, leaving Peter to stare blankly at the tabletop in front of him, thoughts colliding in his mind. It’s a real whirlwind.

“Dude.” Ned interrupts his reverie by poking his shoulder. His voice lowers into a whisper. “Do you really wear a _thong_?”__

_ _

_ _

_ _Peter manages to make it to the decathlon meeting after school, albeit ten minutes late after getting the work he missed from his earlier classes. Still, it’s better than not showing up at all._ _

_ _The whole team is already seated, Ned included, and Michelle’s in the middle of going over what he assumes is the schedule for the year. However, she pauses when he bursts in._ _

_ _“Sorry—I’m sorry I’m late. I just—I needed to get some work, so…” Peter trails off at the sight of someone sitting in his usual seat at the table, and it’s not Flash._ _

_ _Mr. Harrington shoots him a brief smile. “Quite alright, Peter. We didn’t realize you were going to be here, actually. Michelle informed me that you didn’t have enough time for decathlon this year?”_ _

_ _“Yeah, well, I—uh, I cleared my schedule a little bit. I still would like to join...if that’s okay,” he explains, rubbing his neck sheepishly._ _

_ _“Unfortunately, we’ve already given away your spot in the science category, but you’re more than welcome to be an alternate with Flash—”_ _

_ _Flash snorts unattractively, rolling his eyes. “Yeah. Join me, Penis. Since, apparently, even though I’ve been on the team longer than most of these losers, the new rich kid who knows the chemical formula for glucose magically gets what’s supposed to be _my_ spot.”_ _

_ _“Petty isn’t a good look, Thompson.”_ _

_ _“Oh, shut the fuck up, Osborn—”_ _

_ _“Hey, language,” Mr. Harrington immediately scolds._ _

_ _Peter doesn’t know what to do, just awkwardly lingers over to the side while their teacher lectures on what ‘working as a team’ means. He catches Michelle’s gaze for a brief second, his own eyebrows lifting in amusement at how bored she looks._ _

_ _Ned mouths his name, so Peter shuffles over to the table. He ends up crouching in the space between Ned and Michelle’s chairs since there aren’t any extras just lying around._ _

_ _“Dude, we’re going to be here for another hour. That’s going to get uncomfortable real fast.”_ _

_ _“Man, I’ve got abs of steel,” Peter jokes, grinning at how Ned’s face lights up. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Michelle sporting her usual unimpressed expression, but the right corner of her mouth is twitching. _ _

_ _She clears her throat quickly and looks up at everyone. “Okay, are we done with the childish arguments now? Cool. So, before I was interrupted, you were clearing your categories with me. We need to start preparing for regionals as soon as possible—”_ _

_ _“If you don’t mind me interrupting...Michelle, is it?” Harry grins with a flash of pearly whites despite the way she narrows her eyes in annoyance. “I’m sorry. I was just thinking, maybe instead of dealing with the technicalities today, we should do some team-building exercises.”_ _

_ _Michelle pinches the bridge of her nose. “And what makes you think we need team-building exercises, Harry?”_ _

_ _“The possibly childish arguments may have given me that idea.” He pauses and then glances around the table, meeting Peter’s eyes first. “Besides, I don’t really know any of you. This will make me feel more included, right?”_ _

_ _Mr. Harrington is the one to speak up. “I think that’s a great idea! C’mon, Michelle, rally ‘em up. Let’s start it off with a group juggle.” He finds a foam ball and tries twirling it in his hands, epically failing._ _

_ _Peter doesn’t miss the way Michelle desolately swears under her breath._ _

_ _“Dude, this sucks,” Ned grumbles, filing in a circle next to him. “Since when does throwing a ball at each other build morale? More like violent tendencies.”_ _

_ _Peter furrows his brows. “I don’t know, man. I don’t think you’re actually supposed to hit people with it, though.”_ _

_ _“Like I’d know. I’m the Guy in the Chair. I don’t do athletically inclined activities.”_ _

_ _“Yeah, I wasn’t really expecting this when—”_ _

_ _“Heads up, Penis!” Flash chucks the ball in his direction, and Peter barely manages to catch it centimeters away from his nose. He releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding and shoots Flash a dirty look._ _

_ _“Nice reflexes there...Penis?” Harry quirks his lips into a slight smirk._ _

_ _“_Peter_, actually.” He throws the ball in his direction, maybe with too much force. It hits Harry square in the face, causing him to reel backwards in surprise. _ _

_ _“What the _fuck_, man?” He’s holding a hand to his nose that’s leaking blood._ _

_ _“Okay, I think that’s enough of group juggling,” Mr. Harrington sighs, scrubbing his jaw. “Abe, why don’t you show Harry to the restroom?”_ _

_ _When they’re out of sight, Peter groans into his hands. Ned tsks from beside him._ _

_ _“Not supposed to actually hit people, you said?”_ _

_ _

_ _

_ _“Glad to see you held back there, Parker,” Michelle remarks as they stand outside, waiting for their rides. She decided to end the meeting early, so now May’s coming to get him. “Imagine if Osborn sued you for breaking his nose.”_ _

_ _Peter chuckles sheepishly, toeing at a stone on the concrete, “Yeah, well...that would’ve been bad.” _ _

_ _“Bet my mom would’ve lawyered for you.”_ _

_ _He grins easily, meeting her eyes. “She would’ve won, too. Your mom’s great at her job.”_ _

_ _“God, don’t tell her that...again.” Michelle rolls her eyes. “Wouldn’t want her head to grow any larger. Probably why she, uh…” She trails off, her voice quieting as she looks down. “Liked you so much.”_ _

_ _“Yeah,” he utters, trying not to let his mood dampen at the reminder that it could all be in the past. He thankfully doesn’t get much time to dwell on it as May’s car pulls up to the curb, blaring 80’s rock from the radio. The window rolls down as she greets them with a smile._ _

_ _“Your chariot has arrived.”_ _

_ _“What would I do without you, May?”_ _

_ _“Have to walk home,” she snorts, shaking her head. “It’s nice to see you, MJ. You doing good, kiddo?”_ _

_ _Michelle falters for a second, almost surprised at the question. She manages a feeble nod. “I...yeah. Thanks for asking.”_ _

_ _May kindly laughs as Peter clambers into the passenger seat. “Of course.” She swats at his hands as he tries to turn down the radio. “Would you like us to stay until your mom gets here?”_ _

_ _“No, that’s okay. I’ll be fine.”_ _

_ _“If you’re sure...”_ _

_ _“Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow, Em—”_ _

_ _“Peter—”_ _

_ _They both stop, awkwardly chuckling like it’s the only thing they know how to do. _ _

_ _“God, sorry.” Peter gestures for Michelle to finish since he was only bidding her goodbye._ _

_ _“Oh. I was...I don’t know.” She inhales, looking up at the sky before meeting his gaze. “I just wanted to say...I’m glad you decided to make time for decathlon...even if you are an alternate.”_ _

_ _“Yeah. Yeah—I mean, of course. It’s important to me,” he says sincerely, hoping she can read between the lines. _ _

_ _Michelle just nods, offering him a wry smile. “Cool. Uh, well—anyway. Yeah, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, Parker. Bye, May.” She waves slightly as they start to pull away from the school._ _

_ _Peter slumps back in his seat, running a hand down his face. He’s getting to the point of inexplicable frustration at himself for not being able to say what he’s feeling. May even calls him out on it._ _

_ _“You just love to make things harder on yourself, don’t you, Pete?” She flicks on the turn signal as they approach their street rather quickly._ _

_ _“I really don’t know what’s wrong with me, May...”_ _

_ _“Well, I can tell you that, sweetheart.” He glances at her with a slightly offended and confused look. She merely chucks an empathetic smile his way. “You’re just scared. That’s all.”_ _

_ _“What do you…”_ _

_ _“Look, I’m no relationship guru,” May says, squinting while trying to drive. “But I don’t need to be one to know you still have feelings for her. Despite your whole mindset about Michelle deserving better, you can’t help that, Pete.”_ _

_ _“I—I know…”_ _

_ _“But the last time you told her something big, things didn’t work out so well, huh?”_ _

_ _Peter stares down at his lap, a little shaken but still manages a humorless laugh. “No. I messed that whole ordeal up big time, and I don’t...I don’t want to risk anything else by tell her something stupid like how I feel. She’s my best friend above everything, and losing that again would...”_ _

_ _May pulls into their apartment’s parking lot and turns off the car, but neither of them get out. She turns to face him, her voice adopting a motherly tone. “She’s also your first love, Peter. Hell, she was even the first person to find out you were Spider-Man. You’re both too important to each other for this to go under the rug.”_ _

_ _“I don’t even know if she would still want me like that, May. It was my idea to take the stupid break, and if she couldn’t say ‘I love you’ then...there’s no way she’d want to say it to me now. And that’s okay. We’re okay.”_ _

_ _May’s expression falls into a solemn one, and it looks like she wants to refute his words. “I mean, it’s up to you. I just want you guys to be happy, that’s all.”_ _

_ _“We’ll get there, promise.”_ _

_ _“Alright. Alright. Just remember that you can talk to me about anything, okay?”_ _

_ _“Yeah, of course.” _ _

_ _She nods, satisfied, and goes to open her door but then quickly pauses again. “One more thing.”_ _

_ _“Hmm?”_ _

_ _“What’s up with you trying to knock kids out with a foam ball, Pete?”_ _

_ _“God, that was an _accident_.”_ _


End file.
